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Hi. Nama aku Linda. Terima kasih admin jika confession aku tersiar. Sedikit pengenalan tentang diri. Umur aku pertengahan 30-an. Berpewatakkan menarik, dan berjawatan.
Aku sudah berkahwin dengan seorang duda yang sedikit berusia dari aku. Untuk pengetahuan semua, perkahwinan pertama suami aku dengan bekas isterinya gagal bukan disebabkan aku.
Biar aku memberikan singkatan S kepada suamiku dan X kepada bekas isterinya. S telah bercerrai dengan X selama 2 tahun sebelum aku dan S berkenalan.
Tetapi, mereka menyembunyikan percerraian antara mereka. S pada masa itu juga menyatakan yang dia masih mempunyai isteri yang sah.
Aku hanya berkawan biasa biasa sahaja dengan S pada waktu itu. Kerana aku juga mempunyai ramai kawan lelaki yang lain.
Hubungan aku dengan S menjadi semakin rapat apabila S kerap outstation ke tempat aku. Dalam diam, aku meminati S kerana susuk tubuhnya yang tinggi (kerana aku adalah perempuan yang tinggi).
Selama beberapa bulan berkawan, hubungan kami menjadi semakin akrab. Aku semakin risau memandangkan S ketika itu, masih lagi ‘suami orang’.
S juga seperti tidak mahu kehilangan ku. Kami ‘bercinta dalam diam’ memandangkan status yang masih ‘dipegang’ oleh S.
Suatu hari, aku berkata jujur padanya yang aku tak mahu bermadu. Biarkan aku berundur dari hubungan ini. S menahanku dari berbuat demikian.
Aku memberikan kata dua pada S. Ternyata S memilihku. Tapi aku masih ragu ragu. Akhirnya, S berterus terang tentang status mereka.
S menunjukkan aku surat percerraian mereka. Percerraian yang tidak boleh dirujuk atau dinikahi semula, melainkan cina buta.
Aku seakan tidak percaya kerana S dan X masih lagi tinggal dirumah yang sama. S menerangkan, itu demi anak anak mereka yang sedang membesar. Aku minta S memberikan aku masa untuk berfikir.
Dalam masa yang sama, S tak henti henti memujukku untuk menerimanya. Aku jadi keliru dengan perasaanku sendiri. Aku tak sanggup bermadu. S sudah mengakui, tapi kenapa aku masih sangsi?
S berjumpa dengan orangtuaku untuk merisik dan menceritakan hal yang sebenar. Aku nampak kesungguhan S disitu.
Dipendekkan cerita, kami pun bernikah di kampungku dan majlis sederhana dijalankan. Selepas bernikah, S berterus terang kepadaku bahawa X tidak mahu S bernikah lain demi menjaga perasaan X dan anak anak mereka. Aku terkedu.
Masalah mulai timbul apabila S diuji dengan beban kewangan. Masalah kemuncak, apabila S mula gagal menyediakan wang ringgit bagi tempat tinggal, makan dan pakaiku. Aku bertahan selama 2 tahun dengan menyediakan keperluanku sendiri.
Bila kami bertengkar, S akan kembali ke rumah X. Aku juga mengakui silapku, aku selalu mengungkit bila timbul perbalahan. Aku akan ungkit dari segi duit terutamanya.
S pernah beberapa kali kantoi dengan aku tentang hubungan kelaminnya dengan X. Tapi S menidakkan. Hingga suatu hari, X didapati mengandungkan anak S.
Tapi mereka mengambil keputusan untuk menggugurkan kandungan tersebut. Kerana mereka tiada sijil perkahwinan yang sah untuk mendaftarkan kelahiran di kemudian hari.
Sepanjang perkahwinan kami, aku sering dimaki dihina dengan kata kata kesat oleh S disebabkan perkara perkara yang kecil.
S menyatakan aku menyalahkannya, sedangkan aku hanya menjelaskan, tapi aku terus digelar b**i, sial, anak haram dan sewaktu dengannya oleh S.
Aku pernah meminta S untuk melepaskanku kerana aku rasa perkahwinan ini t0xic. Ada masa kami gembira, ada ketika aku berduka.
Aku perasan, setiap kali cuti panjang atau cuti persekolahan, aku dan S akan bergaduh dan semestinya S akan kembali ke X dan anak anak mereka.
Aku rasa sedih bila berhari hari S tidak disisiku. Langsung tiada pertanyaan khabar dari S tentang diriku seakan aku tidak wujud baginya.
Bila aku ajukan pertanyaan tentang itu, S hanya jawab; “dah bergaduh, apa guna bertanya khabar?”
Sepertinya, S sengaja mencari jalan untuk kami berbalah agar S dapat bersama X dan anak anak mereka.
Aku juga difitnah oleh X. Bahawa aku adalah perampas suaminya. Aku dimalukan dimedia social nya sedangkan yang sebenarnya mereka telah pun lama bercerrai sebelum kehadiran aku.
Bila aku minta simpati suamiku, S memarahiku kembali dengan mengatakan aku sengaja cari pasal mengintai media social X.
S juga seringkali mengadu dan menceritakan perihal burukku kepada X. Untuk apa, aku tak pasti.
Aku ada bertanya tanya orang lain tentang X, mereka hanya memuji muji X dengan kebaikkan dan kewarakkannya. Sedikit sebanyak, aku berasa kecewa.
S yang aku kenali dahulu terutamanya sebelum kami berkahwin, adalah seseorang yang sangat aku sayangi.
S pandai ambil hati aku, romantik, dan membuat lawak. S juga terlalu ambil berat pasal diriku. Hari hari mengucapkan kalimat cintanya padaku. Membuatkan aku semakin sayang padanya.
Tapi segalanya berubah sedikit demi sedikit selepas kami berkahwin. Pastinya, aku sedih bila teringat kembali diri S diwaktu yang dulu.
Bila keseorangan, aku rasa sunyi. Aku inginkan zuriatku sendiri agar aku tidak kesunyian bila S tiada disisi. Tapi, Allah lebih mengetahui.
Aku pernah berdoa agar Allah tunjukkan aku jalan penyelesaian bagi masalahku ini. Tapi aku masih lagi buntu untuk tindakkan ku yang seterusnya.
Aku pernah menyesal kerana tergesa gesa untuk berkahwin. Dan aku juga tak mahu menyesal kerana tergesa gesa untuk menuntut percerraian dari suamiku.
Adakah aku menyesal menikahi S? Sejujurnya, tidak. Kerana aku juga mencintai S.
Yang aku sesali, aku memberikan ruang untuk S kembali ke X atas sikapku sendiri. Aku akui, terdapat banyak kesilapanku sebagai seorang isteri kepada suamiku S.
Aku ingin menebus silapku pada S. Tapi aku tak tau bagaimana, kerana X akan sentiasa ada dihati S. Aku ingin S mencerraikanku secara baik, tapi S enggan dan tidak menyatakan sebabnya.
Aku buntu. Aku mohon para pembaca yang budiman dapat memberikan aku nasihat dan pandangan disebalik kecaman.
Jika ada keperluan, aku akan sambung lagi confession ini. Terima kasih dan assalammualaikum.
Reaksi warganet
Wan Salina Wan Mamat –
Dia jadikan awak cina buta kot. Yelah dah talak 3, tak sanggup bekas isteri kawin lain, dia kawin lain. Cina buta jugak la tu kot bagi dia, haha.
Apa benda la pelik pelik sangat ni. Dia yang cerrai talak 3 dia pulak gila lagi dekat janda sendiri alahai. Penat lah nak fikir masalah orang.
Nurul Nadia –
Bila baca dah bercerrai and still lagi tinggal dengan ex wife, girl u r making a big mistake. Dari situ kita tau dah dia lelaki macam mana.
Yang saya kagum awak boleh tak report mahkamah yang diorang dah bercerrai tapi hidup macam laki bini lagi. Plus siap ex wife dia pregnant lagi.
Im not in ur shoes, so i tak boleh nak cakap banyak tapi u sendiri pun cakap this is a t0xic relationship. Dari awak hidup makan dalam, better u free ur selves.
Julaiha Shazmira –
Puan, tak perlu terfikir untuk ada zuriat bersama suami. Suami jelasnya bukan orang yang bertanggungjawab dan tak mampu untuk menjadi contoh teladan yang baik sebagai suami dan ayah dalam perkahwinan terdahulu, dan sebagai suami puan, apatah lagi untuk tambah anak lagi.
Langkah pertama, report dahulu pada pejabat agama semasa dia ada disana. Sekurangnya puan tak lagi bersubahat sama.
Dayang Senandung –
Lebih baik berpisah. Terangan suami jahil bab agama. Buat apa nak seksa hati dan perasan sedang kan awak lebih berhak dari X.
Berpisah sahaja dengan lelaki begini. Lepas berpisah buat aduan di pejabat agama tentang hubungan terlarang bekas suami dengan bekas isteri. Biar mereka celik hukum agama. Kalau awk tak buat aduan, subahat pulak. Sayang tu tapi salah tapi jangan bdoh..
Nur Sumayyah –
Ermm, lelaki yang dah berumur bersekedudukan dengan bekas isteri dan menggugurkn anak yang ko pilih untuk stay lagi sebagai suami ko. Dan ko ada hati pulak nak zuriat dengan dia.
Percaya la, dia tak punya hati pun dengan ko. Dia lebih sayangkn ex wife dan anak anak dia. Ko hnya pelepas nfsu yang ‘halal’ untuk dia.
Kalau dia takde ko pun dia tetap boleh lepaskan nfsu dia dengan ex wife dia. Untuk apa ko tunggu dalam perkahwinan yang t0xic ni. Ko sendiri yang jerat diri ko. Ko yang pilih jalan derita.
Suami tu boleh ke bimbing ko dan bakal anak anak ko nannti kalau dia sendiri pun jalan ibarat ketam. Tepuk dada tanya iman. Ko punya pilihan samada nak hidup tenang, bahagia atau pun derita..
Sya Adudu –
Maaf jika apa yang dijelaskan ini mengguris hati tt. Bertaubat banyak banyak sis muhasabah diri. Sis dah melakukan dosa besaq kerana bersuhabat dengan suami yang dah terang dan jelas malakukan dosa ziina dan maksiiat.
Sepatutnya sis bertegas dari awal bukannya biarkan ianya terlalu jauh sangat tersasarnya dari landasan agama.
Syukur Allah sayangkn sis kerana tak memiliki zuriat. Secara peribadi sis pergi buat aduan di pejabat agama berkenaan masalah rumahtanggan sis dan ziina yang suami sis lakukan demi kebaikkan semua.
Biar mata orang sis nampak seperti kejam tapi hakikatnya dah melakukan perkara yang Allah restu dan redha. Jangan pernah takut berbuat kebaikkan tapi takutla pada azab dan siksaan Allah.
Fauziah Bakhtiar –
Ko minta pendapat kan? bercerrai jelah dengan suami kau tu. Kau nak tahu tak apa aku rasa? aku rasa dia pergunakan kau aje.
Kau takde makna dalam hidup dia. Kau tu macam tempat dia lepaskan beban dia. Aduhai malangnya ko dapat kahwin dengan dia. Dah lah kena sembunyi, kena fitnah, kena pukul lagi, habistu tak disayang.
Makan pakai pun ko kena cari sendiri ko tak nampak ke maksud dari semua tu?. So sad lah kau ni. Carilah kekuatan kau sendiri, keluar dari perkahwinan yang menguntung laki kau tu saja.
Semua keburukan dia berikan pada kau. Kau sanggup ke ada anak dengan lelaki yang tak menghargai kau?. Kalau kau pun dia tak hargai, apatah lagi anak kau nanti.
Percayalah, lelaki tak kisah lah biarpun anak dia dengan kau 10 kalau dia tak sayang kau baik kau blah jelah. Tengok janda dia dah cerrai talak 3 pun dia masih sayang tau. Kau apa ada?
Sumber – Lindaaaaa (Bukan nama sebenar) via IIUMC
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