Keluarga

Boyfriend tiba-tiba sakit kaki dalam kereta, terpaksa tunggu lama sampai terlelap, bila terjaga aku rasa pelik

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Foto sekadar hiasan. Hai Assalamualaikum. Tolonglah aku. Aku tidak tahu pada siapa hendak aku meluah melainkan aku hanya mampu bersabar dan berdoa. Oh ya, panggil saja nama aku Orkid. Aku perkenalkan diri aku dahulu serba ringkas. Aku berusia awal dua puluhan. Anak tunggal dan merupakan wanita muslimah lahir di kalangan keluarga yang baik.

Ibu ayah aku cukuplah kalian tahu mereka orang yang warak dan baik dalam agamanya. Aku di sekolah sering memegang jawatan badar, ketua kerohanian wanita, mungkin kerana aku dikatakan lemah lembut, tampak berani berbicara, dan nampak alim (mungkin kerana tidak melayani lelaki).

Paragraf 2

Alhamdulillah. Keluarga aku sangat baik, dan sangat dihormati dan juga dikenali ramai. Tapi pernah dengar kata pepatah yang mengatakan dalam satu pokok tu tak semuanya buahnya ranum. Mesti ada yang buruk jugak buahnya. Mungkin aku kah itu? Semoga kalian sudi memberi teguran padaku dan memberi pendapat akan kisahku.

Semasa dekat sekolah dahulu, aku jarang bercakap dengan lelaki. Pernah minat seseorang lelaki namun apabila cintaku berbalas, aku hanya mendiamkan diri sahaja, hanya memandang dari jauh kerana tidak pandai bergaul dengan lain jantina. Aku telah dididik semenjak kecik untuk menjaga batas pergaulanku. Dan akhirnya lelaki tersebut tinggalkan aku dan berkapel pula dengan sehabat baik ku sendiri. Haha. Mungkin bosan dengan caraku yang tidak bergaul dengan lelaki.

Lepas habis SPM, aku mendapat tawaran ke UNISZA diploma namun telah menolaknya setelah melakukan istikharah beberapa kali. Dan akhirnya aku memilih untuk meneruskan pengajian ku di sekolah sebagai pra U. Di sekolah aku tidak tahu mengapa aku menjadi tarikan pelajar lelaki di sana. Tak tahulah kalau aku yang perasan sendiri. Kerana setiap kali aku berjalan bersama rakan-rakanku di kelas pasti terdengar usikan namaku dipanggil-panggil budak lelaki kelas sebelah.

Pernah juga menerima surat cinta dari rakan sekelas. Tetapi semuanya ku hiraukan. Tapi, sejak dari sem 1 ada seorang lelaki hampir setiap hari mengirim salam kepadaku melalui orang tengah. Pernah mengirim makanan kepadaku, namun ku tolak kerana seolah-olah aku memberi harapan padanya. Selepas aku menolak pemberiannya, dia berhenti mengangguku dan aku meneruskan pembelajaranku seperti biasa.

Tambahan pula, aku dengar lelaki tersebut (aku namakan sebagai Shah) baru sahaja putus dengan kekasih lamanya yang telah bersamanya selama 3tahun. Mungkin aku ni hanya tempat dia melepaskan bosan setelah putus. Yelah, orang kata, lelaki yang pernah berkapel ni lepas putus biasanya tak biasa hidup single, pasti akan carik yang lain jugak sebab dah terbiasa.

Pada penghujung sem 2, Shah makin kerap menggangguku. Pada mulanya, aku mengambil langkah hanya mendiamkan diri. Tapi dia semakin berani mengangguku. Aku tinggal di asrama, balik sahaja ke asrama ada bekal makanan yang ditinggalkan dia atas katilku melalui orang tengah. Shah menggunakan orang tengah untuk berkenalan denganku.

Oh, lupa nak cerita serba sedikit pasal Shah. Shah merupakan budak kelas sebelas. Budak nakal, kerap dipanggil guru disiplin, dan selalu sangat dapat pointer paling rendah setiap kali exam. Bukan niatku untuk memperkecilkan dirinya, cukuplah aku untuk menceritakan mengenai dirinya serba sedikit.

Setiap hari juga tanpa jemu Shah mengirim salam kepadaku melalui orang tengah, memandangkan di sekolah penggunaan telefon diharamkan. Yelah, kawasan sekolah kan. Rekod disiplin ku jugak bersih dari masalah-masalah disiplin berbanding Shah yang asyik dipanggil ke pengetua sekolah dan guru disiplin.

Tapi, tiba-tiba perangai Shah berubah. Daripada budak nakal Shah berubah menjadi budak baik. Setiap kali rehat, Shah akan turun ke surau sekolah bagi menunaikan dhuha memandangkan aku dengan kawan2ku juga kerap turun ke surau untuk dhuha.

Kemudian Shah juga sering berpuasa dan rakan-rakanya sering tinggalkannya bersendirian di dalam kelas pada waktu rehat. Semua orang nampak perubahan Shah pada ketika itu termasuklah guru-guru. Aku mula tertarik pada Shah. Aku fikir dia ni betul-betul nak berubah. Seusai abis sem2, masatu tak silap ada cuti panjang, cuti raya. Shah menyampaikan pesanan kepadaku melalui ws. Aku membalas ws nya dan akhirnya kami menjadi akrab

Shah menceritakan padaku bahawa dia ingin berubah dan dia perlukan seseorang untuk membantunya. Shah pernah menangis di telefon menyatakan kesungguhannya untuk berubah dan aku sangat terkejut. Yelah orangnya nakal, panas baran di sekolah tapi tiba-tiba menangis pulak dah dalam telefon. Siapa sangka.

Aku cuba merahsiakan hubungan ku daripada kawan-kawan sekolah. Tetapi akhirnya terbongkar juga apabila Shah memuatnaik gambar aku di socmed. Sejak itu, ramai rakan-rakanku termasuklah rakan baikku sendiri memulaukan aku.

Kerana mereka tidak menyangka orang sepertiku boleh terlibat dengan aktiviti kapel. Yelah masa mula2 aku jadi ketua badar, aku yang duk nasihat orang berdating dalam kelas akhirnya aku sendiri kapel. Dengan budak yang paling nakal kat sekolah pulak tu.

Ramai yang mengutuk ku dalam ws, memerliku menagatakan nampak je baik, tapi……. Dan sebagainya. Aku sedih, sedih sangat. Tapi dalam pada masa yang sama aku dah janji pada Shah aku akan bantu dia berubah aku akan bantu dia dalam pelajaran dia. Aku antara budak cemerlang juga di pra U. Maka, aku menawarkan diri untuk bantu dia.

Guru-guru juaga memanggilku untuk bertemu denganku. Dalam 4 orang guru jugaklah memanggilku untuk bertemuku secara persendirian. Ustaz aku mengatakan apa yang dia lihat aku dengan dia tiada persekufuan. Aku pandai, cantik, baik berbeza sangat dengan Shah. Ustaz sehingga mengatakan kalau aku nikah dengan dia Ustaz taknak hadiri perkahwinan aku dengannya kelak.

Teacher ku juga meminta aku menyenaraikan kebaikan yang ada pada diri Shah sehingga aku memilihnya. Teacher turut membuat perbandingan Shah dengan pelajar lelaki yang lain. Dan ada juga ustazah menyuruhku melakukan istikharah agar aku tidak silap memilih. Guru-guru tahu bahawa Shah telahpun membawaku bertemu ahli keluarganya maka mereka mengganggap hubungan aku dan Shah agak serius.

Memandangkan ramai yang tidak menyukai hubungan aku dengan Shah, jadi kami berpakat untuk keluar ke perpustakaan setiap kali waktu outing. Itulah pertama kali aku keluar berduaan dengan lelaki. Shah memandu dan aku hanya duduk di belakang as penumpang.

Aku mengajarnya subjek bahasa Arab memandangku aku agak power subjek arab. Hendak bercakap pun malu sangat. Namun, aku tekad aku hendak berjaya dengannya bersama-sama. Sehinggakan ada assignment kerja kursus nya aku siapkan kerana dia langsung tidak berminat pada subjek tersebut.

Malangnya suatu hari, seperti biasa Shah ajak ku keluar untuk belajar macam biasa. Namun ketika dimana Shah sepatutnya menghantar ku pulang ke asrama, Shah memberi alasan katanya kakinya sakit dan kejang. Maka dia tidak dapat menghantar ku pulang dan meminta masa. Masa tu kami dah dalam kereta, lama aku menanti kaki Shah okay sehingga waktu dah masuk pukul 7. Ada sahaja alasannya untuk menghantarku pulang.

Akhirnya waktu menginjak pukul 9 malam. Bila waktu outing dah habis, aku jadi gelabah dan risau nak balik. Sebab aku tahu aku akan diambil nama dan akan disoal oleh warden dan guru. Shah menghubungi ibunya untuk menunpangkan aku di rumah, tetapi ibunya tidak mengizinkan.

Akhirnya kami decide untuk tido di dalam kereta. Aku tertido akibat kepenatan sangat tetapi terjaga kerana aku mendapati Shah menggomol ku semasa tidur. Shah memujukku melayaninya dan berjanji dia akan bertanggungjawab padaku. Dan akhirnya aku serahkan padanya segalanya sebab aku memang sayangkan dia.

Layanan Shah padaku sikitpun tak berubah. Shah baik sangat. Apa sahaja yang ku mintak pasti dapat. Aku bukannya keluarga senang. Jarang sangat merasa makan-makan makanan mewah. Paling-paling pun KFC dua tahun sekali sahaja. Birthday atau mendapat keputusan cemerlang.

Shah sangat memanjakanku tapi aku tidaklah mengambil kesempatannya aras dirinya. Shah hendak membelikanku hp bru, aku tolak kerana hp ku juga masih elok. Shah membelikanku baju mahal, bukan aku yang pinta kebanyakannya senyap2 di belakangku. Aku dengan Shah banyak kali terlanjur dan rahsia kami selamat tanpa sesiapapun yang tahu.

Sehinggalah suatu hari, kami mendapat tawaran U yang berbeza. Masa di sem2 Shah sangat busy, seringkali mengabaikanku. Dan silapku jugak kerana aku asyik merajuk dengannya. Aku sebenarnya ingin perhatian darinya akhirnya Shah meminta aku membuat haluan ku sendiri.

Aku terkejut sangat apabila Shah menyatakan sedemikian. Aku berkorban duit dan segalanya demi Shah. Aku merayu pada Shah agar jangan tinggalkanku tapi Shah tetap juga tinggalkanku. Katanya dia ingin fokus belajar. Dia dah taknak berkapel-kapel semua ni dan dia menyesal atas perbuatannya.

Tapi tak sampai seminggu Shah keluar dengan ex lamanya yang sebelum aku. Aku sedih sangat masa tu dan decide kol ibunya Shah. Aku ceritakan semuanya pada ibunya tapi yang sedihnya ibunya tidak mampu berbuat apa malah sampai sekarang Shah tidak tahu menahu ibunya sudah tahu ibunya sudah mengetahui perbuatannya.

Namun hubungan Shah dengan kekasih lamanya tidak bertahan. Aku merayu pada Shah untuk berjumpa untuk menyelesaikan masalah kami memandangkan kami pun putus melalui telefon sahaja. Aku merayu dalam hp untuk bertemunya sehinggakan aku pergi sndiri naik grab ktm sorang-sorang ke Universiti Shah belajar. Tapi bila dah sampai sana Shah taknak bertemu langsung denganku. Hancurnya hatiku masatu.

Shah juga kadang menelefonku hanya untuk saja2, Shah berjanji dan bersumpah atas nama Allah yang dia akan bertanggungjawab ke atasku. Dia janji dia nak nikah dengan aku. Shah kadang2 memaksa ku melayani nfsunya setiap kali keluar… Katanya dia memang nak tanggungjawab jadi sama je. Aku pun memang dah takde dara. Aku takut kehilangannya dan aku mintak dia janji dia jangan tingalkan aku, tapi dia tetap tinggalkan aku. Bongoknhya aku ni.

Aku jatuh teruk masa sem2 dulu. Setiap hari menangis. Setiap hari! Namun aku gagahkan jugak untuk datang ke kelas. Aku takut tak berjaya. Aku anak harapan mak ayah. Aku tak pernah hampakan mak ayah aku dalam pelajaranku. Beraf badan ku susut. Emosi ku kacau.

Tiap malam kul 3 menangis di beranda. Kadang aku kol Shah mengugut untuk bahayakan nyawa sendiri. Shah memujukku dia banyak kali janji yang abis je belajar dia akan carik aku semula. Dia akan nikah dengan aku. Shah mengakui dia masih sayangkan ku tapi untuk kembali padaku tidak. Dia mintak aku berikan pada dia masa. Dia akan cariku sendiri.

Lepas putus tu, Shah berhutang duit dengan ku beratus. Sebaik sahaja Shah dapat duit, aku ingatkan layanan dia berubah padaku walaupun hanya sekadar kawan. Tapi tak, dia memarahi ku memanggilku dengan gelaran bongok, babi, dan sebagainya. Dia terus memblock ku di setiap socmed. Ahli keluarganya semua memblockku termasuk rakan-rakan dekatnya. Aku langsung tak boleh menghubunginya.

Shah kata biar dia yang carik aku bukan aku yang carik dia. Allahu. Sedih sangat. Kenapa dia berubah sampai mcm ni sekali. Dulu sebelum masuk u tak pernah sekalipun dia memarahi ku naik suara padaku. Tak pernah. Shah baik sangat malah dia anak kesanyangan ibunya kerana sikap Shah yang manja dan bertanggungjawab.

Kadang2 Shah menghubungiku. Sengaja. Untuk menambah sakit hatiku dan menyukarkan aku utk move on. Dan setiap kali tu, aku bertanyakan janjinya dan sumpahnya. Dia ckap dia nak tanggungjawab tapi sehinggalah Shah dah ada makwe baru, cantik sangat, Shah mengatakan dia tak nak bertanggunggjawab padaku. Sedangkan dia dah janji, dia dah bersumpah atas nama Allah dia akan tanggungjawab. Hutang aku dah berbulan-bulan dia tak bayar.

Sekarang, aku dah pun block Shah dan aku mintak doa dari kalian supaya Allah kuatkan kakiku untuk melangkah pergi. Bukannya merayu dan masih berharap pada yang tak sudi. Semalam waktu Arafah. Aku doakan semoga Shah memperoleh hidayah dan aku doakan semoga Shah pegang pada janjinya. Adakah sukar manusia untuk berubah?

Bukankah hati manusia tu Allah yang pegang? Keadaan aku? Tidak lah seteruk dahulu. Alhamdulillah aku cuba cari diri aku semula, cuba dekatkan diriku pada Allah semula. Aku tak boleh nak tebus maruah diri aku yang dah hilang, tapi aku harap smoga hari-hari yang mendatang aku akan sentiasa berubah lebih baik. Doakan aku ya.

Untuk Shah sedikit pun aku tak berdendam padanya cuma aku harap ada keadilan untuk diriku di dunia dan di akhirat. Dosa pada Allah, kita boleh mintak ampun. Tapi dosa sesama manusia, hendaklah kita mintak ampun pada manusia tu sendiri.

Reaksi warganet

Chua Chia Yee – Perempuan bukan pusat rehab untuk lelaki. Nak kesian pun agak2 la, it’s never too much to be cautious. Selagi lelaki tu tak pergi jumpa wali dan dapat kata putus, tak perlu bazir masa untuk layan dia. Berapa kali kena ulang ni oiii

Eita Arif – Sayang Shah berpada pada orkid. Pleasr move ur leg, tolak Shah ketepi ke dalam gaung ke dalam laut. Campak lah dia ke langit. Stop doa untuk Shah .. Doa untuk diri awak orkid. Saya faham sukarnya nak melupakan apa yang pernah disayangi. Percayalah, Allah tak kan menarik sesuatu tu dari genggaman kita tanpa sebab, tanpa kebaikan disebalik nya. Jangan diminta apa yang Allah telah lepaskan. Move on orkid..

Awk orang yang sangat kuat. Awak dah puas menangis. Bangkit lah. Kenang yang silam untuk buat awak bangun semula. Kenang hanya untuk bangkit dari kesilapan .. Saya doakan awak orkid. Saya doakan agar awak diberikan hidayah dan sentiasa berpegang imannya kpd Allah yang satu. Istiqamah lah ..

Nurhidayah Kamarudin – Dalam setndan pisang takkan buruk semuanya tak bole dipakai dik. Ianya bergantung pada diri sendiri haluan tu. Cume, adik ni diberi ujian Allah dalam jalan ni. Bersabar, bertaubat, dan lupekanlah Shah tu.

Adik mohon doa banyak2 supaya adik diberi kesempatan untuk masuk syurga je. Yang hal shah tu, percaya la Allah taala akan membalas. InsyaAllah dik kuatkan dirimu, balik ke pangkal jalan. Jangan risau dengan dara ke xde dara, sebab segalanya dah berlalu.

Sekarang, jadila pendosa yang bertaubat. Kite tak mampu nak undur masa silam. Y mampu, majukan diri ke hadapan. Pasal diri kamu tu, simpan la aib tu elok2. Allah da jaga aib kamu, biarla tersimpan rapi waima dengan ibu dan bakal suami kamu sendiri

Sumber – Orkid (Bukan nama sebenar) via IIUMC

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